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Feb. 6th, 2009

The Pundits Kink Meme v. 1.0
(Including The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, MSNBC, CNN or whatever other pundits you would like with whomever you'd like to request them with)

For those of you who haven't ever seen a kink meme (you are in for a treat), the instructions:

1- Choose a pairing.
2- Choose a kink. If you need some sort of reference, there's this list of kinks.
3- Your comment should be anonymous! All part of the fun.
4- For every request you make, please try to fill at least one! This doesn't work quite as well if all we have are requests

Let's get this party started!

eta: Just a reminder that while this is the kink meme for pundits (and whomever you feel like pairing them with), there is another kink meme for Rahmdom/Politifandom if all you want are the politicians.

eta 2: We'll see how this goes, but I'm going to try to update at least once a day with links to the written prompts on each page. I'm just copy-pasting the original prompt and taking out any extra line-breaks, because actually stopping to read would make this task pretty well impossible. I considered doing this with unfilled as yet prompts, too, but you're all so amazingly prolific that the first is going to be trouble enough.

Also, I probably should have said this at the very first, but--I know this is a kink meme and totally anonymous, but let's try and remain respectful of each other. This is one of my favorite fandoms ever filled with fantastic people, so I'm sure you can all police yourselves pretty well.

[page one]
1) Anderson/Keith, Frottage, wherein it starts seemingly innocently (falling asleep somewhere together or the like) and ends with good old-fashioned dry-humping.
Keith/Rachel, ties
Jon/Stephen, friends masturbating together.
Stephen/Jon, Frantic frottage and/or coming in pants.
George Clooney/Jon, Orgasm denial and control. Maybe bondage, too, if you like.
Brian/Jon/Stephen. Erotic spanking. (Preferably in the vein of 'Brian spanks Stephen while Jon watches', but I am flexible!)
Anderson/Rachel, Bondage
John Oliver/Rob Riggle, public cross-dressing, coming out of the closet (not necessary)
Samantha Bee/Jason Jones, strap-on sex
jon/anderson, lewd scrabble.
Jon/Denis Leary, Stephen watches
Jon/character!Stephen, shower sex
Rachel/Ana, bodyswap
Keith/Anderson, crossdressing

[page two]
Jon/John, D/s with Jon as a possesive top, marking/biting most welcome!
Jon/Stephen. Before being hired to work for "The Daily Show," Stephen was a male prostitute.
Keith/Rachel, androgyny
Keith/Anderson, Public Sex in a gay bar/club.
Stephen Colbert/Kanye West: roleplay, use of ties as a means of tying, or blindfolds (or feel free to mix and match!).
Jon/voyeur!Stephen; Stephen watches Jon masturbate.
How about either body swap with Rachel and Keith or Jon/Stephen accidental arousment and/ or body swap.
Stephen/Jon, rentboy/prostitute roleplay
Keith/Anderson, Dirty Talk (Keith doing the dirty talking)
Jon/Denis Leary. Lazy drunken making out and frottage.
Keith/Rachel, begging and/or delayed gratification
Jon/Stephen, asphyxiation
Sean Hannity/Alan Colmes. Alpha male misses his punching bag.
Dev Patel/Jon: Some teasing, Loss of control, maybe a massage that leads elsewhere...Submissive Jon though
George Clooney/Jon Stewart | 'Vampire Fantasy'

[page three]
Keith/Rachel, jealousy
Keith/Rachel, drunk
Anderson Cooper/Michael Ware, on assignment overseas, Anderson as bottom, angst a plus, can just be a buddy fuck
Rachel/Keith, pegging, very dominant (but fun) Rachel 'punishing' Keith for flirting with her.
Rachel/Anderson/Keith, sucking dyke cock - preferably with Keith/Anderson established relationship
Jon/Stephen, Bloodplay. Go crazy on this.
Anderson/Reza Aslan, any kink
Bill O'Reilly/anybody
keith/rachel, student/teacher, preferably involving the time he taught her to read a teleprompter

[page four]
Jon/Denis Leary: the younger years involving Jon in drag and carsex.
Jon/Stephen. Exhibitionism/voyeurism. Frottage on live television. Can be TDS or TCR, I'm not picky.
Rachel Maddow/Female!Keith, Rachel can turn straight girls gay, Rachel dominates.
Keith, masturbation and having a fantasy about Anderson
Teenage Keith and Rachel, best friends, Rachel knows she's gay but thinks maybe she could turn straight if she had sex with a guy she loves. Sex is starts out slow, gets frantic as she tries to convince herself she likes it. Crying ensues after. (two fic)
Steve/Stephen: oral fixation, Yes. No. YES. NOOOOOOOO. Stephen knows his constant pen/fingerporn drives Steve crazy but Steve just won't admit it.
Jason/Jon, dirty-talk. Jon all tied up--Jason doesn't even need to touch Jon to make him come. Bonus points if it's because of Jason's voice!
John King/John Oliver. John O is trapped inside the Magic Touchscreen. John K uses this to his sadistic advantage.
Teenage Rachel/Unknown Woman in gay club (after Rachel's disasterous attempt at turning straight with Teen!Keith), Underage Rachel, older woman. Seduction. "You're a sweet thing."
Stephen/Jon/"Stephen" Just... anything, really.
"Stephen" masturbating, begins by thinking about turning Rachel Maddow straight, ends by thinking of dominating the dirty liberal-jew that is Jon.

[page five]
Jason and Sam tag-team Jon (spanking, voyerism, penetration)
Stephen"/Jon. "Stephen" keeps Jon in the cage beneath his desk. Stockholme Syndrome, reward/punishment, hurt/comfort and name-calling
John Oliver, scarf bondage (http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=215337&title=Scumdog-Million-Hairs). Doesn't matter who with. Just. Scarves. Scarves and filthy bondage depravity plz.
Some good, old-fashioned Jon/"Stephen", with "Stephen" being the needy, needy sub that he so desperately is.
1) Rachel/girl!Keith - Keith has to go to a black tie event, even though he's not used to his new body. Rachel helps. Corset-play. 2) Rachel/girl!Keith with Anderson watching. Established Keith/Anderson before the...whatever made Keith a girl.
1 Anderson/Keith, historical, gilded age setting.2 aristocracy, power reversal, washing.
Stephen/Jon, fucked out, marking by biting or bruises. Top Stephen.
Rachel/girl!Keith, tribadism, exploration, laughter

[page six]
Keith/Rachel, exhibitionism, semi-public sex would be awesome!
Keith/Rachel/Ana, mindgames. Keith catches Rachel and Ana together.
so, who wants to write keith/pregnant!rachel? it need not be keith's kid. just, you know, keith wants kids, keith wants rachel, ergo pregnant!rachel would probably kill keith dead with want.
Rachel/Hannity, gender roles
Stephen/Paul/Amy, anal sex with strap-on, living together in a three-way relationship
John Oliver/Andy Zaltzman. They're together to record The Bugle. The action starts as they are recording and ends in mind-blowing sexy sex.
"Stephen" watches Jon Stewart interview Papa Bear and fantasizes about Papa Bear fucking Jon and making him beg for forgiveness (for of all things the panda-bear/teddy-bear argument)

[page seven]
Jon/Stephen. One starts giving the other a handjob/blowjob while the receiver is asleep. Lazy, sleepy sex ensues.
Pretty much anything with Aasif in. Where's the Aasif-love, fandom?
Ollie/Jon - Jon sees just what it takes to make John break concentration. Based on this segment: http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=165516&title=Britain%27s-Fallen-Soldiers
Keith, Rachel, and lesbian porn -- preferably from the "just two buddies watching porn" angle. Because I apparently really like to torture Keith.
Rachel/female!Keith - Rachel takes recently girlified Keith bra shopping. Public sex in the changing rooms.
Jon/Stephen; crying, Election night. After the Indecision special, they skip the parties and the drinks and go fuck in celebration. Kind of in the same vein as this (http://community.livejournal.com/rahmbamarama/285245.html) drabble. <3<3
Rachel Maddow, Michelle Obama, or Hillary Clinton/Sarah Palin, unexpected arousal

[page eight]
Keith/Rachel, A joyous, spontaneous Election Night kiss turns into unexpected Election Night sexin'. (two fic)
Keith/Rachel, piercings -- bonus points for vaguely dom!Keith
"Stephen"/Female!Jon. Stephen will only do Jon if he's a woman, and surely enough, one night, he dreams of Jon transforming into into a woman...completely at Stephen's mercy.
Rachel comes on the Daily Show, Stephen watches it. Fantasy of threesome ensues where he dominates them both. (Deep-throating, both Rachel and Jon tied to a large bed.)
Rachel/Girl!Keith, Rachel teaches Girl!Keith how to use a vibrator

[page nine]
sexless erotica pls? keith/rachel, forced to share a bed, heat (ex: dead of summer, broken air conditioner)
Jon/Anderson, Jon knows how to make Anderson laugh and make him feel safe (d/s is okay)

[page ten]
Rachel/Keith. Rachel never found Keith attractive until she discovered him wearing a dress. Crossdressing; Rachel topping and in charge.
Brian Williams/Jon Stewart, mad flirting (teasing and goading) during an interview goes too far, dry-humping on the desk. Made even better if no one else realizes what's going on, they make a joke of it, but both really get off on it.
Kristen Schaal, masturbation, against a washer on spin cycle, with or without a partner.
Rachel/Ana/Keith - Ana teaches Rachel how to suck dick
Jon/"Stephen" Heated but affectionate making out and frottage with "Stephen" being vulnerable.
Jon/Keith/Rachel. Preferably affectionate and domestic but dark and angst-y works too. Bonus points for Stephen and/or Anderson finding out and being all "...the HELL?"
"Stephen"/Jon. D/s, "Stephen" trying to be assertive, but quickly it all devolves into Jon taking charge.

[page eleven]
Keith/Rachel. Hooker roleplay.

[page twelve]
2) Correspondents have set up hidden camera in Jon's office, broadcast J/S sekrit lunchtiem sexxins over closed-circuit TV within building(?), in the form of news bulletin, with "experts" and whatever. Demetri gives sports report-type analysis, drawing lines and pictures over video.
John Oliver/Andy Zaltzman. Andy will only have sex with John if he dresses like Florence Nightingale. Lots of giggly-sex ensues!
Hannity/Colmes/O'Reilly. Theme: "Get your hands off my liberal!"

ETA: I don't know that I would say this is entirely closed--certainly, if you'd like to fill any unfilled prompts, I would say to go for it. But if you would like to request anything new, I think you'd have a much better chance of it in 's more recent Pundit Kink Meme 2.0.



Feb. 11th, 2009 11:37 pm (UTC)

Stephen will only do Jon if he's a woman, and surely enough, one night, he dreams of Jon transforming into into a woman...completely at Stephen's mercy.
Feb. 12th, 2009 12:01 am (UTC)
Yes. Yes this.
Feb. 14th, 2009 10:45 pm (UTC)
Would SO read this.
Feb. 15th, 2009 06:56 pm (UTC)
Yes! Perfect-o idea! ;]
Feb. 20th, 2009 12:16 pm (UTC)
Boy Called Girl - "Stephen"/female!Jon - NC-17 (1 of 2)
Sorry this is a little too Harlequin, but I bet "Stephen" would think like this...


Stephen always won whatever advances the gay community tried to thrust onto him. Especially from their greatest (and one couldn't help but admit, sexiest) weapons.

"Hey man, what's up?"

"Hands off me, Stewart! Don't you know I'm straight?"

"Um, okay, I was just asking if you were okay."

"God, what is wrong with you? I will NOT have sex with you, so back off!"

"Wow. Okay, I'll be way, way over there if you need me."

No matter how much that damn liberal begged, pleaded, got down on his weak, East-Coast elitist knees, Stephen would not, under any circumstance, fuck Jon Stewart.

Except. Except, except, except. There were times when Stephen could use his imagination and make Stewart's features soften, the hair on his body vanish, his voice become daintier and sweet, the hair on his head thicken and fall softly onto his shoulders in waves of dark brown and gray. Transform him into a feminine Jon Stewart. He could imagine the now-woman in a lovely ankle-length dress, the sort a fifties cooker-cutter mom would wear at dinner parties, all rustles and bows and the cleavage only hinted at.

He put himself in the setting of a high-class dinner party, holding court of course, showing off his moves as every woman lusted after him, only wishing they weren't good Republicans so they could ditch their loveless marriages and have freaky, no-strings sex with this handsome man.

Stephen couldn't help but think about finding the lady Stewart standing in the corner, taken aback by the heat of the conservative crowd. Instead of chastising Jon for being liberal, Stephen would use it for his advances.

"Good evening," he said to the lady, and her blue eyes would lighten up at such esteemed company before her.

"Hello," she would say politely and softly. "You're Stephen Colbert, aren't you?"

"Of course I am," Stephen would say and plant a kiss on the back of a soft, hairless hand, nails long and well-managed. "And what is such a left-minded woman doing in our company, hmmm?"

"Oh, I'm embarrassed to say," she would blush. "I was actually hoping you'd be here."

Usually Jon would make the excuse that he had been invited to the same party Stephen was attending, instead of the truth that in order to see Stephen he had gate-crashed. This in turn would piss Stephen off; hence his need to yell when Jon was so much as in the same room as him. Instead, seeing the woman version of his Jewish friend being so earnest in her bid to see him, he would be flattered.

"Well here I am," Stephen would beam. He would lean in, brush back Stewart's curly hair and whisper softly in her ear, "Would you like to see more of me?"

They would flee for a spacious bedroom, curtains drawn quickly and door locked. Stewart would sit on the edge of the bed, fiddling with her earrings and kicking off her shoes to show her dainty little feet. She was so small and delicate, and not in the man-Stewart's weak, pathetic way.
Feb. 20th, 2009 12:18 pm (UTC)
Boy Called Girl - "Stephen"/female!Jon - NC-17 (2 of 2)
Boy Called Girl - "Stephen"/female!Jon - NC-17 (2 of 2)
Stephen would feel obliged to kiss her, to suck on that bottom lip that had taunted him in male form but now down-right tortured him in female. Stewart would moan and writhe under him, breathless before Stephen's hands had even wandered.

"You're so strong..." she would murmur. "I don't think I'll be able to hold back."

"And you're not going to," Stephen would reply, grasping her wrist and forcing her down onto the bed. Sliding his hand down her back he would lower the zipper and then pull her dress past her slim hips and down her legs until it was bunched up on the floor.

There he would see Stewart's breasts, not huge but not small either. Maybe it was his imagination working from all of his fantasies conjoined but her breasts would be the perfect size for her to appreciate his long fingers. Which she would, after he had removed the bra and kissed her scared face to tell her he was going to take care of her.

"God, you're so good at this!" she would moan, because ladies always moaned; never grunted or growled. She would also whine and sigh and whimper when he removed her underwear, soaking in this perfect woman he had created out of the scraps of the advancing old man.

He would keep his demeanour as he unzipped his flies to enter her, watching her face look both pained and alarmed by his size. Her hands would grip his hips and rock against him, caring exclusively for the pleasure he felt and if he was happy. Watching her eyes form the beginnings of tears and her mouth remain half-open in longing, Stephen would have a hard time remembering that she was ever a man of any capacity.

"Oh Stephen!" she would cry out, choking on her own breaths as Stephen rode her and grunted with every thrust. He would feel a brief pity that she was so helpless, so weak against him.

He would hear her little shrieks of joy as she came (after him, of course), like the real Stewart's giggles but even happier. They would lie with Stewart's head in his lap, letting her beg for another session, plead with him to let him fuck her harder this time, maybe up against a wall or somewhere equally naughty. And instead of shrugging off Stewart's normal advances, he would heartily agree, wanting to do her again, and again, and again...


"What? What! What the fuck do you want, Stewart?"

The real, male Stewart was peering at Stephen worriedly from the other side of the C-shaped desk. "Stephen, you must have fallen asleep during rehearsal. I was just here to ask if you were free tonight..."

"What, to sleep with you?" He laughed loudly. "Not a chance, Stewart. Go back to the liberal elite and tell them I'm one guy who will never bat for their team."

"Okay. Sheesh."

If Stephen looked closely, maybe took off his glasses and squinted some more, he could watch Stewart's hips sway as he walked off, chest bouncing, hair fluttering...
Feb. 26th, 2009 01:37 pm (UTC)
Re: Boy Called Girl - "Stephen"/female!Jon - NC-17 (2 of 2)
Oh my god, that was one of the funniest things I have ever read.
Feb. 27th, 2009 11:21 pm (UTC)
Re: Boy Called Girl - "Stephen"/female!Jon - NC-17 (2 of 2)
I usually run like hell away from girl!male character fics, but you have changed my ways. WHY THE FUCK WAS THIS SO HOT?!

her breasts would be the perfect size for her to appreciate his long fingers.

He would keep his demeanour as he unzipped his flies to enter her, watching her face look both pained and alarmed by his size.

plead with him to let him fuck her harder this time, maybe up against a wall or somewhere equally naughty.

I need to change my underwear nao.
Feb. 27th, 2009 11:29 pm (UTC)
Re: Boy Called Girl - "Stephen"/female!Jon - NC-17 (2 of 2)
To be honest, this was the only way I could spin the female!character idea, so I'm glad someone prompted it. :D

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