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Feb. 6th, 2009

The Pundits Kink Meme v. 1.0
(Including The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, MSNBC, CNN or whatever other pundits you would like with whomever you'd like to request them with)

For those of you who haven't ever seen a kink meme (you are in for a treat), the instructions:

1- Choose a pairing.
2- Choose a kink. If you need some sort of reference, there's this list of kinks.
3- Your comment should be anonymous! All part of the fun.
4- For every request you make, please try to fill at least one! This doesn't work quite as well if all we have are requests

Let's get this party started!

eta: Just a reminder that while this is the kink meme for pundits (and whomever you feel like pairing them with), there is another kink meme for Rahmdom/Politifandom if all you want are the politicians.

eta 2: We'll see how this goes, but I'm going to try to update at least once a day with links to the written prompts on each page. I'm just copy-pasting the original prompt and taking out any extra line-breaks, because actually stopping to read would make this task pretty well impossible. I considered doing this with unfilled as yet prompts, too, but you're all so amazingly prolific that the first is going to be trouble enough.

Also, I probably should have said this at the very first, but--I know this is a kink meme and totally anonymous, but let's try and remain respectful of each other. This is one of my favorite fandoms ever filled with fantastic people, so I'm sure you can all police yourselves pretty well.

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ETA: I don't know that I would say this is entirely closed--certainly, if you'd like to fill any unfilled prompts, I would say to go for it. But if you would like to request anything new, I think you'd have a much better chance of it in 's more recent Pundit Kink Meme 2.0.



( 2216 comments — Leave a comment )
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May. 25th, 2009 08:03 pm (UTC)
Bill O'Reilly/Stephen.

O'Reilly's been thinking that Stephen has become a bit too fond of Jon and punishes him/sets him straight.

Bonus points if Jon's secretly watching!
Jun. 4th, 2009 02:26 pm (UTC)
I am so on this.
OP - (Anonymous) - Jun. 6th, 2009 05:14 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jun. 4th, 2009 06:39 am (UTC)
"Stephen" meets Chuck Noblet by chance and decides he must have him, even if it involves kidnapping and bondage. Chuck isn't complaining.
Jun. 4th, 2009 10:19 am (UTC)
OMG YES. PLEASE. (It's a shame I can't write.) Someone please write this? Pretty pretty please with cherry flavored lube on top?
(no subject) - (Anonymous) - Jun. 6th, 2009 05:18 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - (Anonymous) - Jun. 6th, 2009 06:46 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - (Anonymous) - Jun. 6th, 2009 09:14 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jun. 7th, 2009 11:09 pm (UTC)
Jon/Sam, D/s. You decide who's who.
Jun. 8th, 2009 01:08 am (UTC)
Punishment 1/?
Prompt: George Clooney punishes Jon for dreaming about Halle Berry.


Jon lay where George had left him; in the security of his office, shrouded in darkness. He had no sense of the time, as George had grabbed him directly after he had finished taping the show, whispering huskily in his ear to wait in his office. Unable to refuse, Jon had obeyed. The lights had been cut, the shades drawn, and he waited.

Suddenly, a thin beam of light illuminated a strip on the floor as the door was opened a sliver. Jon blinked. George stood in the doorway, eyes smoldering with an odd handful of objects clasped between his palms.

Jon spotted a flash of silver as George tossed the assortment of toys to the floor, advancing on the pundit as a predator claims its prey. Jon swallowed.

“Ask me why I’m here,” George said quietly, urging Jon from his chair to a spot on the carpet. Jon was forced to his knees.

“Why are you here?” Jon asked. George began circling Jon, forcing him to crane his neck to keep the man in view.

“Because, Jon,” George said, “I am unhappy. Ask me why I am unhappy.”

Jon was getting a bit annoyed. “Fine. Why are you unhappy?”

“Don’t get short.” George stopped circling, cupping Jon’s face in a hand, holding his gaze. “I am unhappy, Jonathan, because exactly one week ago, you and I lay in bed together. You moaned a name, and it wasn’t mine.”

Jon fidgeted, eyes widening. Fuck, the Halle Berry dream. “I don’t know what you’re--”

“Don’t lie.” Nimble fingers were suddenly squirming their way under Jon’s shirt, teasing the skin they found there. Jon’s eyes closed as George’s hands explored his chest. He grabbed George’s shoulders, one hand losing itself in Clooney’s hair.

The hands stilled, and George stood. Jon made to copy the movement, but was kept downward by a palm pressed on his shoulder.

It was very dark. Jon blinked repeatedly, desperate to find George in the makeshift night. His arms were twisted backwards and he cried out.

“Don’t fight,” Clooney murmured, lips just at Jon’s ear. His tongue flicked out to lick the sensitive skin there before trapping Jon’s wrists in handcuffs. “Now, as I was saying- you moaned a name. It wasn’t mine. Who’s name was it, Jon?”

Jon fought the panic that came with lacking the power to move. “Stephen Colbert’s?” he tried, wriggling under the taller man’s grip.

This earned him a chuckle, though not a very friendly one. “Don’t make this harder than it has to be,” George said. “All I want is a confession and an apology.”

“Seriously, Clooney--”

George was suddenly in front of him, tearing his shirt from his chest though leaving the tie in place. His fingers resumed their exploration of Jon’s front, knowing just where to touch- between the third and fourth rib on his right side, under his collarbone, at the front of his throat. Jon bit back a groan, turning his head.
Jun. 8th, 2009 01:11 am (UTC)
Punishment 2/?
“Wasn’t I enough?” George said softly, though the power was evident in his voice. Jon opened his mouth to respond just to close it again as George’s tongue found the hollow behind an ear.

“Answer me, Stewart.”

Jon tried again, but all that emitted from his mouth was a whimper as George kissed and licked his way from his ear to his neck, teasing and biting the sensitive skin there.

“Y-yes,” he choked out, throwing his head back as Clooney took a nipple between his teeth while his hands played with his tie. George pulled away.

Jon groaned in protest, straining forward, seeking friction. A hand moved quickly over the bulge in his pants, causing him to whimper again, louder this time.

“If I was enough,” George said, smirking, “then why did you dream about her? Didn’t I give you everything you needed and a hell of a lot more?”

While he said this, George squeezed Jon’s erection- hard- eliciting a downright obscene moan from Jon, whose eyes had glazed over. He bucked against George’s hand, lips parting as he neared the edge--

And then the hand was gone, and he was thrusting into midair. Jon released a dissatisfied noise, still bucking pathetically, willing the hand to return. George laughed from somewhere above him.

A blindfold was tied tight around Jon’s eyes. “George, c’mon,” he said desperately.

“You hurt me, Jonathan. It takes a lot to hurt a man like me, and I can’t stand for it,” Clooney replied smartly. “You dishonored me, and I want to make you forget Halle Berry’s existence.”

Jon was pressed back onto the floor; fingers undid the button of his jeans, pulling them down around his ankles. His boxers soon followed suit, and he was forced back on to his knees.

Minutes passed. Jon’s arousal stayed put, though the dissatisfaction was maddening. Every few moments George would plant a touch or kiss somewhere on his body, just to watch him buck towards the feeling.

“I’m sorry, all right?” Jon finally said, voice wavering as George’s fingers played absently over his shoulders, trailing down his spine.

“I don’t really think you mean it,” George whispered. “I want to hear you mean it.”

The pads of George’s fingers lightly tickled Jon’s hips before flicking over his cock. Jon hissed.

“What’ll it take to get you to believe me?” Jon growled, incredibly frustrated. “I can’t exactly control what I dream about. Halle Berry’s hot.”

George replied in the form of a kiss at the top of Jon’s cock, causing Jon to falter.

“I’ll know when you truly repent,” George said, spider-walking his fingers up Jon’s stomach. “For the time being, try to make me believe you. It’ll get you off a lot faster.”
Jun. 8th, 2009 01:13 am (UTC)
Punishment 3/3
Jon had no clue what to say. His mind was addled anyway with the overload of sensory information as George tortured him with arousing touches that didn’t last nearly long enough.

“How could you even think of her when you had me?” George asked rhetorically. “I bet you’d kill for what I gave you that night right now, huh? You want to feel my lips wrapped around you, tongue touching you in ways you didn’t think humanely possible- you want that? Maybe with my fingers rolling your nipples, or gripping your hips as you thrust into my mouth?”

Jon moaned in response, managing to whisper, “Y-yes. You’re better than her, I--”

“Hell yes.” George wrapped his arms around Jon’s bare back, thrusting against him, fully clothed. “Now you’re getting it.”

“Y-you’re the best I could ask for,” Jon said, voice breaking as George began working him over. He released a small sigh of relief.

“Keep talking,” George said, hand increasing in speed as he pressed up against Jon.

“You were fantastic, she’s nothing- would be nothing- compared to you, I- nngh- don’t know what I was thinking, you’re talented and fucking handsome as hell, you’re right, I would absolutely kill to have that night over again, and again, and again, oh, God, George…”

Clooney grinned, sucking at Jon’s neck, watching him twitch and moan. “Beg, Jon. Tell me what you want, and I’ll give it, just as long as you remember how lucky you are.”

“I…know I’m l-lucky,” Jon panted, gasping as George twisted him.

“Then tell me what you want. Plead.”

“G-George… please,” Jon moaned, jerking into each touch. “Suck me off…”

George’s hands stopped working Jon over, and Jon feared that his request had been too much. He started apologizing, just to have his apologies melt into obscenities as he felt George’s mouth surround him in impossible heat.

He was taken so far down that throat, tongue flicking over him in quick, teasing movements. Each thrust brought him incredible pleasure, which he displayed in incoherent cries.

“George, George- I’m sorry, I am, just don’t ever stop- oh my god- don’t know what I was thinking, must’ve been c-crazy to want anything but- but- nnghh--”

With a final swirl of his tongue, George brought Jon over the edge into orgasm, swallowing quickly. He got to his feet, leaving Jon sweaty and peaceful in the aftermath. With a final sigh, Jon drifted off into sleep.

George sat in the chair near Jon’s desk, watching the other man rest. He smiled contentedly- his ego had been repaired with every whimper and moan that Jon had released, and Mr. Clooney was one happy man.

That, is, until Jon shifted in his sleep, murmuring a single name: “Rahm…”
Jun. 8th, 2009 04:08 am (UTC)
Re: Punishment 3/3
Dear sweet gods of porn. NGHH.

Sequel: in which George decides that if Jon's going to whimper Rahm's name, he might as well do it when George AND Rahm are punishing him together??
Jun. 8th, 2009 08:54 pm (UTC)
Stephen/Paul: tie kink. Paul is bummed that Stephen doesn't act anymore now that he's got the Report because he liked kissing him/playing his boyfriend on-screen and doesn't get to anymore. Stephen thinks Paul is just jealous of his success and never thought Paul would be that kind of guy. Bonus points if Paul hauls Stephen into the first kiss by tugging on Stephen's tie.
Jun. 8th, 2009 09:15 pm (UTC)
Re: Stephen/Paul
Re: Stephen/Paul - (Anonymous) - Jun. 8th, 2009 10:01 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jun. 26th, 2009 06:53 am (UTC)
Rob C/Nate ...I know, isn't that incest I hear you not saying? Well, then make it non-con.
Jun. 28th, 2009 03:39 pm (UTC)
Oh, you've messed me up now. I've got obsessively-crushing-on-his-brother!Nate and oblivious!Rob running around my head...make it stop...
(no subject) - (Anonymous) - Jul. 3rd, 2009 05:10 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - (Anonymous) - Jul. 3rd, 2009 03:29 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - (Anonymous) - Jul. 4th, 2009 05:13 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - (Anonymous) - Jul. 5th, 2009 02:20 am (UTC) - Expand
Jul. 3rd, 2009 05:16 pm (UTC)
aaaah!!! omg so good!!!!!
Jul. 19th, 2009 10:39 pm (UTC)
Conan/Stephen/Jon, the Late Night Fight (during the writer's strike last year) turns into a competetive threeway. Go crazy with this.

Bonus points if Stephen and Jon team up on Conan to show him what the Comedy Central boys can do!
Jul. 20th, 2009 01:53 am (UTC)
Rachel/girl!Keith. Rachel makes Keith come by just touching his breasts, though Keith begs her to touch him in other places. Keith then returns the favor.
Dec. 27th, 2009 09:49 pm (UTC)
So Jon said on the show that one of his friends came out at forty and talking to them about dating is like talking to a sixteen year old, since they're going through a second puberty of sorts. ("Oh my God, Did you see that guy?" etc.)

Write about Jon and this friend. It can be anyone you want. Just lots of supportive straight!wingman Jon.
Jul. 20th, 2011 02:15 am (UTC)
Thank you.
Oct. 21st, 2011 05:32 am (UTC)
this made me cry
Feb. 17th, 2013 08:00 am (UTC)
Hey Stranger! This is Liza. CALL ME! Go Here dld.bz/chwZP
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( 2216 comments — Leave a comment )

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